When I was younger, I was a conspiracist. I had read up on Illuminati mind-control, the dark happenings in Masonic lodges, and all the while smoking a cigarette, drinking coffee, or having a beer. I was blind to the irony of the situation. Here I was, convinced that “they” were after me, perhaps after my super-human mind (which it’s not), or perhaps waiting on my rooftop was a sniper, waiting for an astrological event to assassinate me to the one armed cow God named Marmaduke. As the years passed, I began to grow slowly less energetic, yet I smoked more, and drank more coffee to counteract this. One day, I awoke wheezy and exhausted. By god it felt like I was dying. I decided to quit smoking. Shortly after I quit smoking I decided to quit drinking coffee. Suddenly, my world shot back into focus. Had I just wasted 10 years of my life hanging out with people who want to kill themselves by smoking, and are only interested in my opinion if I am all jacked up on caffeine? Possibly.
So what was the *REAL* conspiracy here? Now I felt like a rocket scientist. If I smoke, it won’t make me stronger. Sure, it will release dopamine in my brain, but eventually my brain will become dependent on cigarettes for dopamine instead of naturally reacting. Huh… that sucks, and why was I getting a headache just because I didn’t have a cup of coffee? Wait a minute…. is caffeine addicting or something? Well crap. It looks like I had been addicted to drugs that made me paranoid most of my life. Seriously though…. coffee & smokes? I mean, everyone smokes or drinks coffee. Only a weirdo wouldn’t have a vice of some sort..
Strangely enough, when I let go of caffeine, trips to the bar, drinking Robotussin, dropping E, taking acid, eating mushrooms, smoking opium, or licking the Red footed Swamp Frog of Eastern Bangladesh, I realized that I was in a much more interesting place than I had been most of my life. I am not going to use the phrase “drug free”, simply because it sounds horribly stupid and Disney-esque. I suddenly did feel much more mentally liberated however. My anxiety level had gone down substantially. I could answer complex questions without having a seizure because I wasn’t jacked up on a Super-sized Monster drink that made the simple things in life seem highly complex.
Ultimately I learned that my life had been a learning experience thus far, and that I liked the path of the “odd”. Had simply trying to lead a life with attempting to maintain what I had been give become a conspiracy in itself?
Ask yourselves what being different truly is. I urge you to ask yourself if trying to take care of the body you have with care is suddenly more strange than smoking a bowl and watching TV for 8 hours.
